I’ve ploughed down every garden i have tried to grow.
After disease, i migh have lost control
For the only thing I have known was to perhaps
Other’s might have suggest that I trust their own
On the way’s they have known to trust themselves.
To each their own to Do this or Do that…
But to each their own perhaps i found
That i was the disease and the disease was mine alone.
That i was the poison of my own ivy league.
Never better but did you not know?
I do however know that in this world I’ve been alone.
As i have been told and as I have been brought up
There is no one else gon go get to got your back
When you fall you alone got to get on back up
By your own by your own self.
So yes to be suggested I do not trust so easily
This World or any Other Worldly Mystery
I doubt even now my own justified sense of self.
But, that is I.
That is why I must carry a justified sense of my own self worth.
I never allow any one or more to pity me or sit in grief
As I keep on hurting all those I chose to love.
Only to question the purpose itself
What are the lies on life to make me come alive to be livid
On how I choose or upon which i thought i chose
To Live My Life.
Alone in the eyes of everyone else.
Perhaps that the difference between the You’s and I – Self
Never mutter a word that I never cared for anyone else
For I have empathized too many times
Too many times
Have I tried
Never having tried to care for myself.
For perhaps I cared very much and too long
That everyone else is well
Well enough to put it past the past behind
The tales I’ve lived to tell.
After all, Are We Only Human
Caught up in our own fairytales.
There is never a perfect ending to which we’ve been told
About this world where we keep on pretending
That we might know exactly what we’re doing
Doing to live while living keeps happening.
There is no justified reasoning to all that we yell
It is my voice that carries that I am not well
Nor welcome beyond the hurt of my hell all dwelling upon
I blurt out these words and I hear them criticizing
What do you know?
WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
I do not know.
That is it justified
Half the time
What am I doing?
Very tempermental and very sentimental
Did you know?
I die a little bit each time I speak ill of once upon a time, my people.
Of them. Above them. Below them.
All around the way … I behold them.
Nary a wish of Ill will towards them
Just knowing that I think bigger thoughts about having known them.
Though I don’t owe them for having outgrown my own control of owning them.
For I only Own My Own OUTGROWN notions on everything I have known
About living with kin and once believing the kind of kinds of kindness around them
I know as though science fiction were fractions of known facts
About how much to be so exact to how much the universe can align to become known as noise and confusion.
Like a concussion confused to define the matter
The matter of facts defined by the matter that takes up most of the spacce
Refining the definition of time space and illusion.
What we see think to hear pointed out reference
To whatever may be our individual beliefs.
Once I grow up I will leave it all behind me.
As strangers between Us.
The guilt and the pleasure
Living a life of leisure.
Without Any Pressure
Without Any Stress
That no one ever listened by re_definition
That perhaps was it worth the weight
To carry my Words, whichever placed in position.
Perhaps our only mission
Was to find ourselves a little less burdened
By every single minute to moment
From decades to seconds.
Every single time
I went missing.
Perhaps this the Why?
Behind all the difficulties I find
In trying to believe that there are people alive
Upon which I might just be able to infinity
Beyond Any Gods