IX

The thoughts are angry, but I have come to terms with it and tried to understand it. It took five episodes for me to really feel at home with the fact that I have psychosis. And whatever other labels there are that come with it. Whatever my condition, I am psychotic, but it does not rule my life. In the world, there are more than 450 million people who belong to this “subculture” of mental illness. Regardless of what the label they are given, their life is not so different.

(CYER, 1997)

IX: THE MISEDUCATION OF MALEDICTION

I failed to take that course on “Death and Dying,” when I thought I was receiving an education, when in actuality I had grown up as part of some elaborate experiment. The thesis being, what would happen to an isolated child exposed to what we feed them mentally? A degenerate who thought their dreams of happiness were possible.

And then it happened again. You decided it was time that I learn more truth through repetition. The truth that there is no such thing as a physical death, only a spiritual one. And I had killed myself repetitively through my dreams.